And that is why the dishwasher broke
by SunflowerWielder
Summary: A broken diswasher, a extremely annoyed gunner, and some alcohol. Doesn't sound like the foundations for romance, does it? First attempt at romance, so please don't flame! Constructive critisim happily recieved. Oneshot.


**SW: This is my first attempt at writing a romance story... Ever. But this idea came to me, and it wouldn't leave me alone! Damn the plot bunnies! Damn them to heck!**

**Cloud: SunflowerWielder does not own Final Fantasy VII or Mika's 'Grace Kelly' (you'll understand later), and she can't spell her user name without looking it up.**

**SW: CLOUD!! ...It's true.**

* * *

"STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!" Vincent yelled foam and bubbles all over him, pointing Cerberus at me as I squeezed the on/off switch in my hand.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best place to start my defence and explanation of what happened. It makes ME seem like the bad guy! ME?! Yuffie Kisaragi, champion of the earth and sky, conqueror of evil, single white rose of Wutai? I think not!

Anyway, back on track, as Cloud is reminding me from over my shoulder.

So, it all started when we all arrived at Seventh Heaven. You see, it was a bit of a get together for all of us, as everyone has been busy with stuff. Cloud and his stupid delivery servic- OW!! Cloud, do something useful, instead of reading this over my shoulder. I don't know what! I'm not a physic, I'm a ninja!

So anyway, Cloud with the delivery service, Tifa with the bar, Vincent wandering around Gaia lonely as a cloud. Nyck, nyck! Lonely as a Cloud. Irony! Irony! Anyway, Barret was sorting out the oil field, Cid was building air-ships professionally, Nanaki had returned to Cosmo Canyon… And me?

I'm still working with the WRO, materia 'borrowing' on the side, which isn't bad. At least I have a bit of adventure. Unlike if you work at a delivery service…

Cough, CLOUD, cough.

Anyway, so we all arrived, and all got chatting.

You know, normal chit chat, punctuated by swearing by Cid and alcohol.

Lots of it.

And that's when I made the mistake.

I helped Tifa with the washing up.

And then she ran out because Denzel and Marlene had broken into the storage room.

Now, my defence is this: The dishwasher liquid was really foul smelling. Like Nanaki when he has just fallen into mud. And that's very very vile, believe me. You don't want to know how I know. Except it had to do with Cloud, a football, and too much alcohol… Similar to this story, actually. Funny how history repeats itself, huh?

Cloud says I should shut up and get back on track before Vincent finds us and commits two acts of murder. So I decided to change it for some other liquid.

I swear in the name of Minerva that I did not know that I had replaced it with Persil.

With extra bubbly formula.

* * *

Anyway, I left the room, and headed into the bar.

Now, everyone had had a liiiiiiiiiitle too much to drink.

By liiiiiiitle, read, a looooooooooooooooot too much to drink.

So, Barret, Cid and Reno (who had popped in for a drink, and kinda gotten dragged in to the whole situation) were dancing around the bar, singing:

"I could be brown  
I could be blue  
I could be violet sky  
I could be hurtful  
I could be purple  
I could be anything you like  
Gotta be green  
Gotta be mean  
Gotta be everything wrong  
Why don't you like me?  
Why don't you like me?  
Why don't you walk out the door!"

And then Barret started bopping.

Oh, my eeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyeeeeessssss! My poor, innocent-ish eyes! It was bad enough when he started wearing a fishnet vest, but now…!

All innocence has gone.

So, like I said, everyone was slightly to heavily drunk: This includes Vincent and Nanaki, and you wouldn't expect them to get drunk.

"YO!!" Yep, that was Reno. "It's… It's… Yuffie, I love Yuffie, yo!" And Reno gave me a rather large hug. Which DID make me feel like the air was being crushed out of my lungs.

"Yuffie!" Tifa yelled over from the bar. "Help… I think!" Tifa paused. "No. Wait. Don't help me Yuffie!"

"Okay then…" I paused and glanced around the room.

Needless to say, the place was in chaos. And not the demon that lives inside Vincent. Otherwise we would be in mortal danger.

Well, we are.

Anyway, Vincent was sitting, somewhat unsteadily on a bar stool, without his cloak. Marlene stole it.

I always liked that girl.

Cloud was sitting on another barstool, patting the drinking Nanaki on the head, while sipping from his own beer.

I wriggled out of Reno's death grip, and ran over to the near sanity of the bar.

"No, Yuffie." Tifa shook her head so hard I thought it would fall off. She thought so too, as she reached up and grabbed her hair. "I said don't help me."

"I wasn't coming to help you." I insisted. "Tifa, why are you still holding your hair?"

"If I let go off my hair, my head will fall off." Tifa stated. "And that's horrbib… vicici… babda… very not good." Tifa shook her head again. "OW! Oh, I pulled my hair." Cloud sniggered as he took a sip of beer, causing it too come out of his nose.

Stupid, moody, cute chocobo head.

Wait.

WHAT?!

Damn, I must have been more tipsy than I thought!

Still, Cloud sniggered into his beer, and Tifa sent him a death glare.

What the heck was that about? Vincent was sniggering into his beer too. Why no death glare for him?

Something strange was going on.

So I, Yuffie Kisaragi, champion of the earth and sky, conqueror of evil, single white rose of Wutai, decided to find out what!

That was before I saw foam appear from under the kitchen door…

* * *

Okay, so I ran into the kitchen, and looked around the room.

I was in Deep Trouble™.

Seriously, 100 percent, no way out Deep Trouble™.

Or, as I would say when I was little:

"I am so grounded."

Actually, I wouldn't have put it past them to ground me.

So, there were tonnes of foam flying out of the dishwasher, really really really thick foam, with somewhere in the regions of zillions bubbles.

The whole kitchen was flooded. Overrun. Invaded. Doomed.

Pretty much the same as me.

Wading through the bubbles and foam, I headed towards the dishwasher and tried to turn it off.

I didn't work.

"Noooooooooo…" I moaned, hitting the on/off switch with all my might. "Tifa's going to kill me…"

And then the switch fell off.

So, here I am, holding the on/off switch to a dishwasher in one hand, in a kitchen that is flooded by foam and bubbles.

And, as if it couldn't get any worse, guess who walked through the door.

The savoir of Gaia himself, Cloud Strife.

"Are you okay Yuffie? I saw you… Run… In here…………" Cloud stared at the room, as the strains of 'My bonny lies over the sea' drifted in from the bar. Cloud stared, before closing the door. He looked at me. I looked at him.

"………Oops." I say after a minute, as Cloud's eyebrows shot up beyond his hairlines.

"What happened?" Cloud said after a long beat, in as close to a stunned voice you will ever hear Cloud use.

"Well," I took a deep breath and giggled slightly. Yep, I'd had a bit of alcohol too. Well, I'm legal! "I put the dishwasher on and the liquid smelt gross so I used a different one and then I went outside and you and Tifa looked a bit a bit pissed at each other and then I saw bubbles come out from under the door so I came into the kitchen and tried to turn off the dishwasher and the knob fell off in my hand and then you came in please don't hurt me."

Cloud looked at me for while.

"The knob fell off in your hand?" Cloud then SNIGGERED.

Yes. Sniggered.

"Huh…? Oh!" Cue my bright red face. "No, no… Not the… NO… The on/off switch… Dishwasher…"

Cloud's laugh was kinda infectious. Or maybe it was the alcohol.

So then I started laughing.

So, Cloud and me, laughing our asses off, in a kitchen being flooded with foam.

"The foam!" Cloud suddenly snapped too. "The foem, the boam, ther… thingeymajig." Cloud pointed at it. "The foam."

"We gotta turn off the washing machine!" I yelped, pointing at it. "But the on/off button fell off in my hand."

"Well, we've got to turn it off at the electricity." Cloud waded through the bubbles, as my fears of Tifa set in.

"Oh my giddy god, Tifa's going to kill me." I whimpered. Cloud shrugged.

"If she tries, let me know. I'll punch her." Cue my very long stare at him.

"What? Why?"

"Because I don't like murder. I think it's wrong." Cloud stated, examining the washing machine. I sighed, and put my hands on my hips.

Washing machine crisis or not, I, Yuffie Kisaragi, champion of the earth and sky, conqueror of evil, single white rose of Wutai, had a self made mission.

"What's going on with you and Tifa?" I asked in a loud, commanding voice, helped by the dose of alcohol in my system.

"She's annoyed at me. How the heck did the button fall off?"

"If I knew, then I'm Minerva. Why is she annoyed at you?" I asked, in a louder voice to be heard over the Irish tunes of Molly Malone.

"Because I left her. How do you put this button back on?" I stared at him as he pushed the dishwasher a bit. "Work you stupid machine."

"Why did you leave her?" I asked, as 'Molly Malone' reached fever pitch.

"Because she wanted to go out with me. Do you have a spanner?" He asked, poking the dishwasher.

"No. Didn't you want to go out with her?" I demanded, determined to finish my mission till the end, as 'Molly Malone' was replaced with thuds of people falling onto the floor and snores.

"Not really. I know there was a screwdriver here somewhere…" Before I could delve deeper into the matter, another figure walked into the room.

It was…

Sephiroth!

Ow, Cloud, that hurt!

Okay, it wasn't Sephiroth, even though, if it was, he wouldn't have stood a chance against Yuffie Kisaragi, champion of the earth and sky, conqueror of evil, single white rose of Wutai and her shuriken!

Why the heck are you laughing Cloud?! I could kick your butt, and you know it!

No, the figure was the capeless Vincent Valentine.

Who stared at the foam. Then at Cloud. Then at me.

Then he repeated the process three times.

"What in Gaia happened here?" Vincent said after a long silence.

"Well, I put the dishwasher on and the liquid smelt gross so I used a different one and then I went outside and then I saw bubbles come out from under the door so I came into the kitchen and tried to turn off the dishwasher and the knob fell off in my hand and then Cloud came in and he said we had to turn off the electricity and then you came in please don't hurt me." Vincent raised one eyebrow slightly, in what must be the most emotion he had ever shown.

"…Why is the dishwasher shaking around?" He said, as I turned to see the dishwasher doing the machine equivalent of the can-can. Cloud looked at it like a looking thing. Just like Nanaki looking at a football-

I am on topic! I don't see you writing down this whole situation! It was not my fault Cloud, and stop reading over my shoulder.

So anyway, the dishwasher did not explode.

It did, however, send a stream of bubbles and foam right at Vincent's face.

He was covered in them, it was really funny!

So that's why we laughed.

And that's why Vincent yelled, "YOU'RE TAKING THE PISS!!"

So Cloud and I laughed harder.

And that's when Vincent, fuelled by embarrassment, rage and alcohol pulled out Cerberus.

"STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!" Vincent yelled foam and bubbles all over him, pointing Cerberus at me as I squeezed the on/off switch in my hand.

Cloud and I exchanged a look.

"Run?" I asked after a moment. Cloud shrugged. Before we sprinted out of the door and raced past the now unconscious AVALANCHE members, and single turk. Up the stairs, and then, Cloud and I ran into Denzel.

Literally.

"OW!!" I yelled, rubbing my knee cap, where Denzel and I had made contact.

"What are you doing?" He asked Cloud.

"Running from Vincent. You didn't see us, alright?"

"Okay!" Denzel then ran into his room. "MARLENE!! I WANT TO PLAY WITH THE CLOAK!!"

"(Naughty word) you."

"Where did you learn that?" Cloud yelled from the landing.

"Cid."

"Makes sense to me. Can we hide now?"

So Cloud and I hid in a closet.

What fun.

"This closet is _creeeeeeeeeepy_." I muttered, causing Cloud to shoot me a look from the cushion he was sitting on.

"Shush."

_"Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"_

"Shush!"

_"Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"_

"Why won't you shush!?" Cloud yelped, grabbing me by shoulders and shaking me hard.

_"Cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!"_

"Do you understand the meaning of shush?" Cloud muttered, elbowing me. Scowling, I elbowed him back.

"No!" Cloud elbowed me, I elbowed him, he elbowed me, I elbowed him.

"God, you're so annoying!" Cloud sighed, shoving me again.

"Oh really? Then why'd you let me come with you to travel Gaia?" I asked, shoving Cloud again.

"Because I was stupid back then." Cloud hissed, shoving me.

"Then why did you come after me when I ran into the kitchen looking worried?" I sniggered, shoving Cloud in the rib-cage.

"Because you are cute."

WHAT?!

Cloud went bright red.

I looked at Cloud.

Cloud looked at me.

"Who's talking? You or the alcohol?" I managed to squeak out.

"Both." He said after a considerable silence.

"Which one is speaking more?" I asked, feeling my cheeks go pink.

I mean, I liked Cloud all those years ago, but with Aerith and Tifa, I just sorta… forgot about it. Nyck nyck. The date was a bit of a disaster…

"………………Me."

What?

What?!

WHAT?!

Before I could say anything:

WHAM!!

Vincent kicked the door with such power it would have made Tifa proud and started yelling.

"WHY DID YOU LAUGH AT ME? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY WHY WHY WHY? WH-"

Vincent was cut off when Cloud punched him in the face.

Cue my bug-eyed stare.

Vincent stared at Cloud.

Cloud went red.

I started laughing.

Vincent pulled out Cerberus.

Cloud and I both used very rude swear words.

And then we bolted.

"Get out of the pub, I'll meet you out the front, Fenrir's out there." Cloud yelled, as we split up. Cloud took the stairs, and I, being the great Ninja Yuffie, leapt down the stairs.

I didn't mean to land on Cid.

Honest!

"WHAT THE (Naughty word) ARE YOU DOING WOMAN?!" Cid screamed. "I'M MARRIED!!"

"I… I… Crap!" I pushed myself off Cid, fell over Nanaki and sprinted for the door. "You never saw me!"

"YUFFIE KISARAGI I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL GUT YOU!!" Vincent bellowed, sprinting down the stairs in hot pursuit.

"Cloud was the one who punched you in the face!" I pointed out, flinging the door open.

"I'M GOING TO GUT HIM TOO!!"

"What the hell did I miss?" Cid yelped as I slammed the door. Cloud was indeed sitting on the Fenrir.

"You. Bike. Now." He said bluntly.

"Should you be driving that thing?" I ask, still heading over to the bike. "You drank quite a bit."

"When were you responsible?" He asked, pointing at the bike. I quickly sat on the bike, and grabbed the sides.

"Seriously though, will this go fast enough?"

"Yes, now stop worrying!" He turned and looked at me. "Oh, for God's sake! You are hopeless!" He grabbed my hands and slammed them on his waist.

WHAT?!

Before my brain could fully process what had happened, Vincent stormed out of the door, still covered in foam.

So, Cloud started up Fenrir.

Holy crap, that thing is fast!

Seriously, I dunno how Cloud rides it!

"How fast does this thing go again?" I yelled over the engine.

"400 Kilometres per hour."

"How fast are we going now?"

"400 Kilometres per hour."

"HOLY COW!" I screamed, causing Cloud to laugh.

"We're here." And with that, Cloud pulled up at the church.

"I'm not religious." I point out. Hence a roll of the eyes.

"He's not going to look here, is he?" Cloud pointed out, racing inside the church. "So? Are you coming?" With a sigh, I followed him in.

I'd forgotten how pretty the church was!

God, I miss her. She spent so much time on those flowers…

Great, then I started crying!

"Yuffie, are you okay?"

Idiot!

"I am crying you dumbo! Of course I'm not okay!" I snap, quickly trying to wipe the small tears in my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

_Mustn't spill, mustn't spill!_

"I miss her!" I wailed.

_Nice one Yuffie! The worse person to say that to!_ I cursed inside my head.

"Yeah, well I miss her too." Cloud grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the least destroyed of the benches.

"Is that why you moved out here?" I asked, pointing at the small bundle in the corner.

"Yeah."

"Wait a sec… Is that my materia?!" I yelled, standing upright.

"No! It's mine, I brought it!"

"Yeah, well Kadaj stole mine! I need some!"

"That was over a year ago! You've stolen tonnes since then!"

"I never steal!" I proclaim, flopping back onto the bench. "I just borrow without asking."

"Same thing."

"It isn't!" I defended myself, my profession and Wutai.

"Yes it is!" Cloud laughed, rolling his eyes.

"Cloud," I gulp. "Are you drunk?"

"… Dunno. A little. Why?"

"Because you are laughing a lot-"

"You're the one who keeps telling me to cheer up."

"-And what you said in the cupboard." Cloud looked at me. I looked at him. "Well? What the hell was that about? You're in love her or Tifa, right?" I asked, trying to find out what the hell was going on.

Cloud, I don't care, I'll swear in a church if I want to. Besides, hell isn't a swear, it's a place.

Why are you laughing? Yes, I'm writing already!

"…………What do you want me to say?"

"Jesus Cloud, whatever is the non-alcohol induced truth!" I snap. "It's her, right?"

"No." Cloud shook his head. "It's you."

Cue another bug-eyed stare.

"No alcohol in that decision?" I squeak.

"Nope." He shook his head. "None. I swear."

And that, is when Cloud Strife kissed me.

Holy cow! Holy cow, holy cow, holy cat, holy dog, holy cow!

…… He's actually a good kisser.

"Nyck nyck ncyk!" Suddenly, halfway through, I started laughing.

"What?" Cloud asked, pulling away.

"We're kissing in a church!" I snigger. "We are so going to hell!"

"You started it!"

"How the hell did I start it? You're the one who kissed me!"

"Yeah, well… Well… Thingy."

"That's helpful." I pause. "Who else knows you live out here?"

"Tifa and Vincent. Why?" I stare at him. And stare.

"You idiot!" I yell, hitting him over the head. "Oh my Giddy Materia! Your hair is not made of cement! Anyway, if Vincent knows you live out here, he will look here, won't he?"

"………………………Opps." Cloud muttered.

"Damn right Opps! This is all your fault Cloud Strife! Now we are going to die!" I yell, hitting him again. "And if he doesn't kill us, then Tifa will because we flooded the kitchen!"

"You're the one who put the dishwasher on!"

"So?" I shrug. "The point is, we are going to die!"

"Maybe if you wrote a letter to Tifa explaining, she wouldn't kill you?"

"I, the Great Ninja Yuffie, write a letter? No! I will not write a boring letter!"

So I didn't.

I wrote this!

And that, Tifa, is why the dishwasher broke.

* * *

**SW: Yuffie is a fun point of view to write from! So, what do you think? Please review, I really want to know what you think! I've said think a lot, don't you think? By the way, no flames from CloTi or Clerith fans please, as I do like both of those pairings... But the PLOT BUNNY OF DOOM WAS IN MY HEAD!!**

**Yuffie: Bunny! Where!?**

**Cloud: You HAD to pair me with HER!**

**SW: Just like in the Ice Age 2!**

**Cloud: (Confused)**

**SW: "She's tonnes of fun, and you're no fun at all! She _completes_ you!"**

**Yuffie: She doesn't own Ice Age 2 or 1 either.**

**SW: True that. So, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaseeeeeeee review!**


End file.
